Wednesday, May. 03, 2006;12:59 a.m.:missing shoes, missing phone.
mango ate my new shoes
the ones i bought today.
i wanna bite that dog sometimes.
stupid retriever.
this is not my day.
:the voices in my head:
Saturday, Apr. 29, 2006;5:42 p.m.:leave me be.
:the voices in my head:
Saturday, Apr. 29, 2006;2:44 p.m.:haiho haiho it's off to work we go.
(i've got two brothers: one from the water and one from the soil.)
my old one at least.
remember what a big fiasco it was then?
well it's my own fault anyway.
things are good with the water brother now anyway; better than ever.
am i angry finding out? no. i already knew. but confirmation sucked. and i don't know the intention, or why said person denied it then.
but haiya. so long ago, and no harm done. and i learnt a very valuable lesson.
at least now i hope said person would admit it. i don't need an apology. i just want to know why.
and so moving on..
hoho. i'm in the office.
:the voices in my head:
Wednesday, 26 April 2006;10.00pm:close one more door; i don't wanna hurt anymore
where's the boyscout?? where's the boyscout??
i'm getting old i think
there is little to do these days but eat and work and sleep; and of course watch grey's anatomy. whahaha.
i thank God for the artist.
he was the one that placed the grey's anatomy in my hand.
anyway.
where's the boyscout?? where's the boyscout??
growl.
!@#$%^&*()
i've work tomorrow.
:the voices in my head:
Wednesday, 26 April 2006;9.20pm:you promised me a movie.
gee yahhhh
i wonder why.
howie, come back soon.. we'll go and eat bedok bak chor mee.
sooli wooli, i bet its lonely.. hehe. soon soon you'll work and regret not lazing about more during this time.
steffie, fly! me to the moon and let me play among the stars. i cant wait for the next episode. i wonder if lane talks about her wedding night. hahaha. mrs kim is psycho. she reminds me of you. somewhat. and i did not like the dog-man dream--i however like logan alot. i hope he didnt get too hurt.
where is the boyscout?? where is the boyscout??
grrrr.
long day tomorrow. bah.
everyday is a long day.
poots~ still constipated.
:the voices in my head:
Monday, Apr. 24, 2006;6:19 p.m.:trapped. in a mouse trap.
its crazy, i know.
despite the fact that we now share a
3m x 3m freezing office,
it hardly feels very cosy.
plus there is a glass table between us
and tons of work to be done.
:(
:the voices in my head:
Monday, Apr. 24, 2006;5:54 p.m.:-
:the voices in my head:
Saturday, Apr. 22, 2006;1:55 a.m.:what does it get you? --aren't these your very words?
you know what?
i never thought this was what family was all about.
respect has to be earned.
but it can be lost.
i'm disappointed in you.
but it's not always about me.
i gettit.
do you too?
or are you too fucking arrogant to see it? or the way you so callously hurt people without even realising it? or worse yet, do it even knowing?
:the voices in my head:
Saturday, Apr. 22, 2006;12:32 a.m.:my desire
any guesses what i want to do right now?
sighhh.
i guess not anytime soon.
:the voices in my head:
Friday, Apr. 21, 2006;6:07 p.m.:here's to you mrs robinson
so work begins.
and i am t i r e d.
cos i slept at 3 last night
and woke at 7 30 this morning
the boyscout got booked today
for driving in the road shoulder
we were eating sandwiches
and hahaha, lo and behold
the police man on the chevron marking.
:)
licensed drivers take their licenses so lightly.
And here's to you, Mrs. Robinson,
Jesus loves you more than you will know.
God bless you, please Mrs. Robinson.
Heaven holds a place for those who pray,
Hey, hey, hey
:the voices in my head:
Thursday, Apr. 20, 2006;2:37 a.m.:shrink me up size please
well hey hey. that's just
another thing this body can't do.
bloody hell.
i think i need to see a therapist.
[incoming] and you call me depressed? hello babe? maybe you should see a shrink haha.
[outgoing] pok pok.
[incoming] now you think you're a chicken ah? schizo. you can say, hello shrink, i think i'm losing my mind, i leave everything everywhere, i lose my things, i swing from happy to sad, and i can't poop or sleep. what's wrong with me?
[outgoing] shut up. they should have a mental illness named after me. ceciliatitis. ceciliaphenia. pinglimia.
shut up. i need to sleep.
[incoming] go and bathe in hot water.
[outgoing] for what. that's my wake up strategy.
:the voices in my head:
Thursday, Apr. 20, 2006;2:33 a.m.:stop looking for excuses. he says
all this fucking undue stress.
i get enough disapproval from
the rest of the world.
and my family.
i don't need any from you.
i need to sleep.
N
O
W
.
STUPID SANDMAN
sprinkle some my way!
:the voices in my head:
Thursday, Apr. 20, 2006;12:56 a.m.:crab blues
[incoming] celia. i love you. but you're not allowed to sleep in the afternoon anymore. don't sleep. just rest your mind. night.
[outgoing] i slept till noon. and i slept in the noon.
i'm a moron.
bahhh humbug.
in the mood to eat crab. i want crab. steamed with ginger. and egg white. and chinese wine.
its one a.m.
and i'm hankering for crab.
:the voices in my head:
Wednesday, Apr. 19, 2006;11:02 p.m.:baby you're gonna miss that flight
mariann has a cheeky face.
and she's gonna grow damn round
since all she eats these days are
potatoes.
in cheese. in soups. in fries.
wha. i refuse lah.
i refuse potatoes anymore!
no more freaking potatoes.
lest you become a spud face.
potato head.
garden gnome ala happy rotter.
pok pok chickeedee.
:the voices in my head:
Wednesday, Apr. 19, 2006;1:34 a.m.:we were riding on the highway on the pick up with no name
it's no funny.
at all.
when you're at the back of a pick up.
and it just rained so it's freezing cold.
sooli and i got our faces frozen off.
and we moonlighted as bangla workers.
:the voices in my head:
Tuesday, Apr. 18, 2006;11:46 p.m.:I can’t believe it’s hard just to talk to you, but you don't understand
And now I try hard to make it
I just want to make you proud
I’m never gonna be good
Enough for you
I can’t pretend that
I’m alright
And you can’t change me
I try not to think
About the pain I feel inside
Did you know you used to be
My hero?
All the days
You spent with me
Now seem so far away
And it feels like you don’t
Care anymore
And now I try hard to make it
I just want to make you proud
I’m never gonna be good
Enough for you
I can’t stand another fight
And nothing’ alright
Nothing’s gonna change
The things that you said
Nothing’s gonna make this
Right again
Please don’t turn your back
I can’t believe it’s hard
Just to talk to you
But you don’t understand
‘Cuz we lost it all
Nothing lasts forever
I’m sorry
I can’t be Perfect
Now it’s just too late
And we can’t go back
I’m sorry
I can’t be Perfect
--simple plan; perfect
daddy loves me, its true.
but he'd never understand.
(and if i'm fighting with them all,
maybe it's not them, but me. maybe that's where the problem in.
maybe that's what the problem is.
me.)
:the voices in my head:
Tuesday, Apr. 18, 2006;11:13 p.m.:birth order
it was raining and he sat at the back of the car in his restraining car seat and watched the rain flowing in streams down his window pane. he loved how it fell in little lines, exploded into a circle at the end and streamed away into little fat lines at merged with other fat lines and made the window look like it was broken into little segments, only for the second to look whole again then to shatter again.
they stopped at the petrol station, Dad and Graham went down to the little shop whose bright light hurt Bailey's eyes. his mom instructs the toothless petrol man on how much food to put into the car so that it will have the energy to run again and bring them home.
Graham was 10, and Bailey was always envious at how Dad would sling his arm around Gray and ruffle his hair. he could not do that with Bailey, he only reached his knees.
Bailey was not too young to feel jealous. he knew all parents loved their children. but did they love Grey more since he was their first one? Bailey had a new pillow that week, but he could not sleep tight on the new pillow, and always went back to the old ratty dirty one. maybe mum and dad loved Grey more because he came first. Maybe like Bailey they tried to love the new pillow, but the old one would always be the favourite.
would young Bailey know, that when he will be 10 and win the story telling contest, Graham will be made soccer captain of his team the day after?
would young Bailey know, that when he will be 14 and kiss young Hannah at park, Graham will be going out at night, to parties and discos and make out with scores of girls?
would young Bailey know, that when he aced his college exams, Graham will be working in that established bank, earning a pay check with 5 digits?
would young Bailey know, that when he visits Paris with his girlfriend, that Graham would declare he was moving to Manhattan, being head hunted by the prestigious firm, and Living there?
would young Bailey know, that when he gets a job, a fufilling job with a stable income, Graham would leave his and start his own investment firm?
would young Bailey know, that when he gets married to Hannah, the happiest day of his life, Graham would announce that Dad and Mum will soon be Pop and Nan?
would young Bailey blame Graham? when none of it is a fault of his but a fault of circumstance?
will Bailey's firstborn feel the same when it comes to Nan and Pop?
pish. and everyone complains abt being the oldest kid.
next time, i'm only gonna have ONE kid.
:the voices in my head:
Tuesday, Apr. 18, 2006;4:40 p.m.:after this post i'm going downstairs to get some baileys
sometimes Boyfriends just say the wrong things.
fuck it.
fuck off world.
shut up, shut up all of you.
:the voices in my head:
Tuesday, Apr. 18, 2006;2:28 p.m.:my favourite colour's blue, not light, indigo.
i watched the ENTIRE first season in a night. *wide eyes*
i cant wait for season 2.
:the voices in my head:
Monday, Apr. 17, 2006;3:15 a.m.:summer hats, bikinis and beach mats
3000 words on war
12 poems
1 interview
suddenly,
that crazy joy that bubbles out in
peals of bright yellow laughter.
summer is finally here!
:the voices in my head:
Saturday, Apr. 15, 2006;2:10 a.m.:fridays and rainy days
it always rains on good friday.
i love good friday.
and hint hint, i want an easter chocolate bunny,
a nice one, not some cadbury dunnowhat.
white chocolate pls.
:the voices in my head:
Friday, Apr. 14, 2006;11:53 a.m.:busy beaver
and i am here, at home
sleeping till 1.30
then study furiously the rest of the day
buggering mpw.
:the voices in my head:
Friday, Apr. 14, 2006;2:26 a.m.:i hate o.b. psych.
i'm tired.
and i'm gonna drop myself into bed.
9 more chapters of Organisational Behavior to do. buggering hell.
tomorrow i die.
thank god i didnt do arts and social science in nus, these readings are killing me. macham storybook macham trivia macham discovery channel macham theory paper. kill me laaaa.
i want vicks cherry drops.
i havent had them in YEARS.
the robertussins (of howjamacallit) ones just dont cut it.
:the voices in my head:
Thursday, Apr. 13, 2006;12:32 p.m.:i teach your sons to treat a woman's body with respect
as a treat we went to watch this last night, also because the boyscout had his pants in a twist ever since he saw the trailer.
antonio banderas is damn sexy for his age, and that accent could melt.
but apart from Him, it wasn't one of the best dance shows i've seen.
i didn't think any of the characters were endearing, not even rock and lorette, i think they weren't strong enough a couple. the only one i liked was the little white girl.
decent dance moves, blah story line.
:the voices in my head:
Thursday, Apr. 13, 2006;1:59 a.m.:rahhhhhh
but knowing me
i'll cut myself somehow
being around bits of glass.
so i'll just punch the pillows
and ask mango if she'll sleep in my
fucking hot room
so i can toss and turn
and keep her up all night.
steer clear.
especially you with the marlboro mentol lights and the new laptop.
:the voices in my head:
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